Mood:
sadTopic: Me!
Today, I attended the funeral for a dear friend's baby boy, Jonathan. My heart hurts. My mind aches. My body is drained. C gave birth to her perfect baby on Sunday, August 10. He passed into God's hands as he emerged from her body. 14lbs. 24 inches long. He looked just perfect.
The doula organization that I belong to here in Oklahoma City had a meeting last month to go over helping clients through losing their baby. I attended the meeting, as did she. It wasn't my favorite topic, but we listened and learned. I prayed that I'd never have to help a client through the loss of their infant, but I never thought that I'd have to help a fellow doula through the loss of her's.
As I took pictures for them today, I found the strength to remain strong. When my aunt lost Nicholas, I was but 6-7 years old and didn't truly understand the grief. As a mother. . .I now understand the unbearable feeling. I saw C as she craddled the baby in her lap, kissing his cheek, stroking his dark hair. I watched as she sobbed and also comforted her other boys. This week, I'd been unable to wrap my mind around this. I'm still searching for words. Trying to understand. Praying for something, anything. I keep wondering why this baby was taken. . .so loved. . .so longed for. At the same time, there are babies being born in this very city that have nothing. . .no family. . .no love. I'm not saying trade one for the other, I'm just trying to figure it all out.
I know that I don't know what the big plan is now. It is something that I may never know. God has a reason for everything. . .I pray for strength, patience and peace for C and her family.
