Hmmmm. . . . .
I endured a very interesting moment in my life last night. I was sitting here at the computer and read Miss Doxie's blog (read at your own risk!!!). Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm not funny!!! There I was sitting in the glow of the computer screen at 11 o'clock at night trying to muffle laughter. Shoot. . .I thought I was funny until I read her encounter of Chao Camp!! I'd always thought I was funny. I cracked myself up so why wouldn't everyone else laugh along with me??

So after I have this epiphany, I walk into the kitchen, fix a glass of water and in walks Chris. I just turn around and say, "Hey! I'm not funny!!" He's all, "Huh?" And I'm like, "Dude! I thought I was funny!! I think I'm pretty freaking funny but I'm not!!" And then he's like, "Huh? Who says you're not funny?" To which I tell him, "I SAY I'M NOT FUNNY!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I WASN'T AS FUNNY AS I THOUGHT!!!!?????" Then I stomped my fat butt down the hall to bed.

As I got ready for bed I started contemplating my lacking humor. Here's what played out in my head (try to stay with me): I think I'm funny. . .Cale thinks I'm funny but he's 2 so he doesn't count. . .mom and dad think I'm funny. . .Carly thinks I'm funny and her friends and Jason think I'm funny. . .yeah, I'm funny. . .but I'm just not as funny Miss Doxie. . .my friends on the board think I'm funny. . .they are my friends aren't they?. . .I mean, you only tell your real friends about when and how you bd. . .yeah, they're my friends. . .but do you know their last names??. . .ummm. . .mostly NO. . .weird. . .I have a ton of friends that have no last names and in my mind no homes. . .they all live mysteriously in my computer screen. . .good thing I don't have a flat panel screen. . .not much living space there. . .hmmmm. . .I'm a freak

See. . .I should just be labeled "SPECIAL" and go on with my life and leave you all in peace.

Ahhhhh. . .heck, dudes! I'm as funny as I think I am! ;)

Please accept my apologies. . .
WHAT was I thinking not updating you all on the tv situation?? I must have had a lapse in judgment and am on bended knee begging for your forgiveness ;) STOP THE HATE MAIL WILL YA!??!? LOL

Everyone can breathe now, the tv is here and in place!!!!

Here's how it all went down.He did sleep Sat night (it's amazing what codeine, a six pack and a hammer to the temple will do ;) LOL) We got up and both got dressed for church but Cale decided not to cooperate and didn't wake until 10:20. Chris made the executive decision that it would be smart to leave me here to start cooking so off he went to church. (Aren't ya proud of him?!?!?) By 11:30, everyone (Chris, mom, dad, Carly & Jason) were all sitting in the living room waiting on me. Chris paced back and forth and couldn't sit still to save his life. His "leg shaking" behavior was that to rival mom's!! LOL (You have to know my mom and her rocking). At 12:30 the phone rings. One look at Chris and you can see the underlying "I'M GOING TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN BUT STAY CALM" glaze across his face. He answered the phone to find it was his boss, Joe, calling to check on the status. After Chris told him he was still waiting, Joe said, "Oh man! I was worried! I saw an Ultimate Electronics truck turned over on the road earlier." To which Chris told him how much he appreciated the comment and now kiss his butt ;)

It's 1:30 and no tv. . .Chris is living on edge LOL We're all sitting around the living room and the phone rings. Chris about knocked EVERYTHING off the table again (poor Jason endured 2 table clearings by Cale, including his cup of water both times! LOL) to get to the phone. He hangs up and dies laughing. Lovely irony. . .the truck had been involved in an accident and they were running late!! (Joe gets his piece later!!) So, with the waiting over, mom and dad pack up and get Cale so they can just take him to their house for nap and we can deal with the tv.

2:45 and we hear the truck. Within 20 minutes, the men had the tv in place and 99% hooked up. They showed Chris how to work the remote and made sure everything was great. We ran to RadioShack to get another fiber optic cable something and came back. We watched 5 minutes of The Hulk and had to leave!!!! Chris called it heartbreaking to leave his new toy. ;)

We then attended our first Jewish wedding. WOW!!! They know how to party!! LOL That was an experience!! Even Alex, the groom, asked Chris about the tv and if he was doing ok knowing it's at home ;)

Aren't you all so glad that the tv is here and Chris is happy!?!? AND I even know how to use the sucker :) LOL Now. . .if he were only as excited about another baby!!!! ;)

T Minus 18 hours and 10 minutes and counting
Ladies and gentlemen. . .we are one day away from TV DAY at our house. Chris is seriously beside himself. He's running around on edge, doing everything at an AMAZING speed as if it will make the day go faster. It reminds me of waiting for Christmas day as a kid :) Carly & I thought that if we went to bed at 4 in the afternoon, Christmas morning would arrive earlier and we could have our toys. That's how Chris is. . .I'm not sure how he's going to sleep tonight, he may just get to try his first ever Ambien ;) LOL

He chose the first available delivery time tomorrow morning: 11-2. Nice little window huh?? He had told me prior to this morning that he was NOT attending church and would be standing in the street with signs that said, "BRING IT HERE!!!!" I totally believed him. . .he's so neurotic! But as of this morning, he'd had a change of heart (could it have been the 2 Cinnamonster cinnamon rolls he ate????). He decided he could leave church early! LOL Watch, he'll get there at 10:00 and leave at 10:20 LOL (shoot, we live 2 minutes from church!!) My mom had told him in that motherly voice, "Now Chris, what would Jesus do if he was having his tv delivered? Would he really skip services?" I guess she thought she'd get through to him, but instead he says, "Of course!!! He'd kill for a tv like this!" Can we say BACKFIRE?!?!? ;)

So we wait in eager anticipation. . .alright. . .I could really care less but I'm trying to be excited :) The living room was lovingly cleared of Cale's "BIG" toys (which were then drug back in by Mr. Goober himself), the entertainment center has been emptied, surround sound speakers re-wired and mounted, and the new AV cabinet put together and standing ghost-like next to the empty entertainment center.

Tomorrow is August 15, 2004 (in case you've forgotten) and Oklahoma will be the state of happy fat men. Just for the blessed event, lunch is at our house and we are having what we refer to as Carb Fest. Spaghetti (made by myself!), 2 loaves of garlic bread and a "vat" of fried potatoes (again, another of my specialties). They don't all flow gingerly together, but they are things Chris has not allowed himself for 9 months now.

So please beaware and do not be alarmed if at 11:00 CST the Earth moves and you hear a great howling moan from the middle of the US, it's just Chris, jumping up and down and screaming THANK YOU GOD as the truck pulls into the driveway. May God be with us all during this time ;)

T Minus 17 hours and 59 minutes and still counting.

Cell phones. . .Love 'em or hate 'em??
I remember when my dad got his first "car phone." It was mounted in the middle floorboard of his Oldsmobile and I thought we were so cool!!

In this day and age, 5 year olds have cell phones. Cale was perplexed by a corded phone at my grandma's house during the holidays! He works a cell phone better than my mom! LOL And if you don't have a cell phone, well gosh, you're living in the ice ages! EVERYONE has a cell phone!! At our house we actually have 5!! Only 2 are turned on, but we have the others just in case ;)

But the newest thing with cell phones that drive me absolutely insane. . .people that insist on sitting at a restaurant table and going through EACH AND EVERY RINGTONE at the loudest volume imaginable. WHY!?!? FOR THE LOVE OF GEORGE!!! I don't want to listen to that!! I don't understand why you can't do it in your car or at your house! And come on, we all know every ring that a cell phone has because most have the same stupid rings! It never fails when we go to eat that some idiot at the next table wants to pick a new ring!

Now I do understand that your phone ringtone is very important. It took me 2 days to pick out my ringtone for my new phone. Cale now expects every phone to play a song when and where he wants it!! :) And every phone should play what his Daddy's phone plays, "Sweet Home Alabama". I personally didn't pick that song. I don't care much for AL. . .never been there but still. . .Sooners Rule, there's no room for Crimson Tide ;) SO momma picked her old favorite show. . .Fraggle Rock. Everytime my phone rings I get transported back to elementary school days, down at Fraggle Rock, with the dog that knows there's Fraggles but can't tell, and those little bitty working "things" that work the mines, and that one CrAzY Fraggle that doesn't have eyes. If I watched it now it would probably rank up there with The Wiggles (they are so spooky!!), so I'll just keep that fun bopping tune in my head and remember my childhood. . .ahhhhh ;)

We are melting!!!!!!!!!!
I know I know. . .I live in Oklahoma in the middle of a wheatfield, but holy smokes it's hot!! And that's not all. We are supposed to reach 100 degrees today which is actually a record. Not for heat, but for the longest time span WITHOUT reaching 100!! :)

The melting started on Monday morning. I got up, dressed and make-up and remember thinking, man, it's rather balmy in here. At our house, the temp is normally 68-70 year round, so imagine my surprise when I checked the thermostat and it gave the house temperature at 74! I check email and there's an email from Chris that reads,"CALL ME!!" I knew that wasn't a good start so I immediately call. Chris says, "Kind of hot there??" Ya think smart butt?? Then he says, laughing, "Air conditioner went out." Me in all my dumbness, "What do you mean went out??" (I knew what he meant I just didn't know what he meant! LOL) So we talk and he shoots me the figure of $3000-$4000!!!! I'm sorry, but I don't carry that kind of cash on me and my personal banker was in the Bahamas with his mistress so my million dollar account in the Caymans was currently unavailable ;)

By the time Cale woke up and we got around, it was merely 10:15am and yet 78 in that house. By 4:00 it was a cozy 83!!! We packed up our stuff and camped out at mom and dad's. Chris got up and went to the house to change thiis morning and it was steady at 83. So we continue to hang at mom's and poor Cale keeps asking to go bye bye. He loves Oma's house, but he has his limits. So. . . at 2:30, with Cale silently down for his nap, I run to the house to get some clothes for working out. It was a scorching 88 in the house and after 5 minutes in that dead heat, I was already sweating!! So here I sit at mom's having done no work, no ebay and barely checking my email (I really hate laptops!!) in the nice cool air while Chris, Ernie and Chris (Ernie and the second Chris are the air conditioning guys) stand out in the 100 degree Oklahoma sun installing a new, effecient and "BIG" air conditioner. Supposedly it will "freeze the. . ." Nevermind ;)

What have we learned from this experience?? 1-Don't let your air conditioner go out without a backup plan. 2-Don't let your air conditioner go out during the hottest week of the year and 3-You can make it longer than 24 hours in the same home with your mom and not kill her. . .at least she's still alive as of this entry ;)

The confession
We did it to ourselves again. You'd think as adults we'd know when to put the forks down, but we're weak!! We ate at Red Rock again. . .remember "THE" dessert?? Yep, we left and ROLLED out of there asking ourselves "WHY????" LOL So we decided we needed to go look at shelf systems to house all the audio equipment once the big screen moves in. We figured that walking it off would be the best option. We hit Ultimate Electronics, Wal-Mart and Target. As we're slooooowly driving down the street we pass the bowling alley. Neither one of us has been there in years, but Chris thought it was funny to say, "Hey babe, let's bowl." I didn't find it quite as comical. Right next door is the skating rink. I grew up skating!! So I say, "I would love to take Cale skating." Chris replies, "It's all you babe." So I break into how much fun I had growing up and skating in Tulsa, but the rink here isn't the same as the one in Tulsa. Why you might think? I thought you'd never ask!!! The Tulsa rink has hardwood floors and that's pretty much unheard of nowadays.
Chris - "Is Cale old enough to skate?"
Me - "OH YEAH!!!! I started skating when I could walk!! I think he'd love it!"
Chris - "I'm Chris, I'm 27 years old and I cannot skate." *insert climactic music here* So for Cale's sake, it's just me babe. (not what you thought it was going to be huh?? LOL)

The street fight. . .yeah. . .that's what it's from
For those that know me very personally, you know how incredibly particular I am regarding Cale's appearance. For those that know me but don't know me like that, take my word, Cale doesn't go out dirty and if he's dirty then it's an act of God that I don't run him home to change.

So why is it that Oma thinks Cale NEEDS to be dirty?? Why is that the way a boy is supposed to be? My dad grew up without getting dirty all time. Granted, he has some issues with camping, mosquitos and properly wiping his hands off after eating ribs (if you haven't heard that one, ASK ME!!!), but he turned out just fine and is not exactly a lesser man. So I see no fault in keeping Cale nice and presentable. But oh, Oma thinks he'll be RUINED. . .RUINED I say!!

Oma allows Cale access to anything and everything therefore allowing him to end up filthy dirty. She also insists on no socks and shoes. This drives me INSANE! Every time he comes home from Oma's, his feet must be washed. I'm sorry, but I live in 2004, not back in 21 BC where feet washing was a common ritual.

Mom also has a "talent" (if you will) of becoming injured in some way, shape or form. When Cale is in her presence he too has a way of becoming injured (click here and look at Jan 4th's pic). In a matter of 2 hours he looks as if he's been abused!!

This happened today and lucky for mom I laughed about the comedy of errors. Mom and dad FINALLY put together their massive entertainment center (actually, Chris & dad put it together, but we're missing the point). Mom has an obsession with furniture moving. Cale decided to help! She moved cabinet after cabinet after armoire around and Cale decided it would be fun to play inside these empty cabinets. He got on the top shelf, bent himself in half and would yell, "OOOOOOOMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA" and then his own version of Boo (which cannot be translated into Calese at this time). During one phase of this peek-a-boo game, he slid off the shelf and WHACK into the floor. Lovely. He proceeds with this game and WHACK he does it again. Oma diverts his attention with his rocking chair. They proceed with Cale standing up, Oma sitting him down, Cale standing up, Oma sitting him down. . .catch the gist of the game?? Oma gets back to her chair in time to see Cale tumble over the side of the rocking chair, taking the pint sized rocker with him. That'll leave a mark.

But the getter of all getters is my mom and her habit of rocking. This used to make my sister motion sick!! Her chair has literally been repaired 5 times in the past 5 years (ask Chris, he's the poor sap that has to run it to the Roach Brothers). She's a rock-aholic. Well, since they moved furniture it now puts mom's rocking in a major pathway to the kitchen. Unfortunately, Cale's face met Oma's rocking path twice today. He gets so mad at her for that and his face is priceless in a I wanna cry snarl mixed with the how dare you glare!! Today when Cale got up from his nap, Chris went to see and exclaimed, "What in the world?!?" at which time I had to explain the bruise and cut across Cale's cheekbone. It seems that Oma and Odie's house is a breeding ground for injuries.

So when you see poor battered Cale walking down the street, you can just think, he's spent some quality time at Oma and Odie's (that gives tough love a whole new meaning). But for now we just tell people that our "giant" child was involved in a heated street fight in which he took victory. Yep. . .that sounds good.

It's a big day at my house!!
To keep you all up to date on my latest saga (when am I not associated with some type of drama!?!?), I had decided that enough was enough. I couldn't stand the torture and the dreams so I ok'd the third party to pass on my name and my email address to my birthmom. I received a response on Sunday afternoon. . .a response that I had wondered and pondered over.

Imagine her surprise when she gets an email that says, I've found your child. . .it's a girl!!! :) Imagine not knowing for 26 years. Needless to say, she's thrilled. She, too, went through the whirlwind of emotions. I'm so glad that I finally jumped. . .it's been so worth it. She's so nice!! (why am I surprised?? I'm nice as all get out!!) LOL And I've learned so much about her and her family and her past.

The eerie twilight zoney thing is how much we are alike!! We keep saying WOW!! The singing and computers and websites and cake decorating and sense of humor and the list continues to grow. I'm amazed at the thoughts that although I grew up hundreds of miles away from her, we are so much alike!! There have been serious emails and funny emails and picture swapping (yes! I've seen her!!!!!) and neither one of us dare go out of computer range!! LOL There's just so much to learn and so much to share (Ya know I love to talk about me!!).

Her family has been very supportive and they are so happy for her!! My family has become very supportive and curious!! I swear if my sister asks one more question I'm gonna smack her to next week!! LOL

So I'm glad I took that leap of faith. I'm not one that enjoys change or looks forward to the fork in the road, but this couldn't have turned out better. She's no serial killer (at least not yet!!) and if she wants money, well, I want some too!! LOL She's a great woman who committed a selfless act 26 years ago. An act that I will be eternally grateful for (as are my parents and sister). I'm so appreciative of this act. I know that it was the hardest thing she ever did, but now this is the reward!! :) I get to know the woman that knew me without knowing me. Here's a poem that I've held onto for awhile now. I found it one day and it so fits this moment.

Once there were two women who never knew each other.
One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.
Two different lives shaped to make you one.
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first one gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love. The second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality. The other gave you a name.
One gave you a talent. The other gave you aim.
One gave you emotions. The other calmed your fears.
One never saw your beautiful face. The other dried your tears.
One sought for you a home that she could not provide.
The other prayed for a child and her hope was not denied.
And now you ask me through your tears
the age old question unanswered through the years.
Heredity or environment,
which are you a product of?
Neither, my darling. Neither,
just two kinds of love.

OK. . .stop crying now, go ahead and blow your nose, but I'll change the subject for you. Now to the other bit of news. There was pee peeing in the potty today by big boy Cale!! Mr. I Don't Speak said, "Momma, pee pee." I took him in there and he just sat there (as he had in the past) then 2 minutes later WOOO!! It scared him at first but I yelled and said, "NO!! Keep pee peeing!!" And he smiled and continued. Then we clapped our hands and stomped our feet and yelled, "YEAH CALE!!!" over and over. Then we washed our hands and RAAAAAANNNN to call Oma and Odie and Daddy. Cale proudly proclaimed to Odie, "ODIE!! Peepee Odie!" At which point Odie (grateful to be alone in his office) yelled "YEAH CALE!! Such a big boy!!"

Now, the thing with this is, will it continue?? Will that be it?? Cale loves praise so I'm going to silently hang on to the continuation of the interest in the potty. Keep your fingers, legs, toes, eyes and whatever else you can, crossed for luck. I never imagined he'd show an interest this early, but I'm going to take it and RUN!! :)

Can you see why it's been a big day?!?!? SO much changing and evolving and it's so exciting!! I'm just so happy!! :) Now I'll leave you be and go be happy by myself!! ;)

The fate of my future. . . .
I haven't written in awhile, or done much of anything for that matter, because of a deep pressing issue that haunts me in my sleep. I was contacted on Friday by a third party to find out if I was adopted. I told her yes, very vaguely, and gave no information. Bottom line. . .my birthmother is looking for me.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. First thing Friday morning, that's the email I get. I thought it was a hoax at first, but the woman had given the third party information that only she and I would know. I was not at all expecting it and had never even considered the idea that she would come looking for me. I'm still absorbing this information and ALL information I can get my hands on. I want my parents to have time to cope with this new situation also. It's been very hard for them and I'm not rushing.

We'd always talked about my interests in finding her, not vice versa. I'd never expressed an interest. . .I don't know why. Maybe it's for the exact reasons that I'm scared to persue this now. I'd always had a tiny bit of curiosity, but nothing to engage a search. We all thought that those little talks would prepare us for the future. We were wrong, nothing could have prepared us for the emotional rollercoaster that we have been on the last 5 days.

Chris and I talk about it sometimes, so do mom and I and even Carly. We wonder what she looks like, do her kids know about me, why is she looking for me now? We'd like to think that she's wanting to know that I'm alright. The answer to that is yes, I'm so wonderful!! I'd like to tell her thank you, thank you for providing me with a wonderful loving family. Thank you for providing me a life that is filled with opportunity, experiences and unconditional love.

But then the unknowns come into play and I don't want to tell her anything or find out anything. I'm scared of the unknowns and the what ifs. I don't like it. I get that freaky panicky feeling inside until I calm myself down and remind myself that, most likely, she won't hurt me :)

It's so weird to hear a story all of your life, then one day find out that the story is true. The thing that hit me hardest: she has a name. You're probably thinking, of course she has a name. But for 26 years of my life, she didn't have a name. She was always referred to as my biological mother. Now she's a "real" person, with a name, a home, a family, a job. She's the missing link to Cale's gorgeous crystal blue eyes. We'd always told people, "Well, my mother in law has blue eyes and I guess the other half comes from 'Piper's side'." Well, my birth mother to be exact. It's neat to have that little mystery solved.

So, what is the next step you ask?? The next step lies solely in my hands. I either decide to let her know who I am, or decide to leave it be for now. I'm torn. . .will I get the questions answered and face the unknowns or will I torture myself with the what ifs?? My decision has the possibility of a change reaction throughout my family and her family as well. *sigh* I guess that we'll all have to wait and see what turn my life takes now. Stay tuned.

WEEHAW!!!!!
Cyber friends. . .today is the day!! I am so excited I don't know what to do. I was sitting at lunch with Chris and all of a sudden threw my hands in the air saying, "I'm so excited!!!!!!!!" and then tried to calm myself down. It was like I KNEW today was the day!!

I got the email yesterday confirming the order of my computer and confirming that it shipped on Mon. It was coming up I-35 from TX so there was definite possibility that it could arrive. It was quiet nap time and the dogs wanted out. Out they go. . .then I hear the sliding of the UPS truck door. I JUMPED out of the chair and saw her deliver another package to the house across the street. You know that deep sinking feeling?? Yep, I got that and wanted to curse her. . .until. . .wait. . .there's a HUGE box up front too. . .here she comes. . .oh yeah baby, pick up that box!! YES!!!!!!!!! I met the poor woman on the sidewalk as I danced a jig. I signed and then fought to get that stupid 39lb box inside the door. Ooooooh heavy on that right hand!! I wrestled it in, jumped over it, the swimming stuff still in the floor, all of Cale's toys and took off running into the living room. This is when I decided it was time to call THE MAN!:) He did the leg work on my computer and knew how important it was for me. I call him totally out of breath (a lot of good working out is doing me! LOL) and said, YOU HAVE GOT TO COME HOME!!! NOW!!!!!!! He stopped in panic for a second and then I giggled and started chanting "It's here it's here it's here!!" He said, "I'll see you at 4" (4 is when he gets off work. . .that's no fun!!) So he got here and Cale had decided to wake up early so I am now going to finish cleaning up this room and hook up that new puppy to take her for a spin!! Hence the WEEHAW!!!!! :) Bye bye fruity ole' computer, hello new hotness!!!