Today we said goodbye to MaMa, Chris' grandmother. It's been a very strenuous and tiring 5 days, and I know there are more to come. But the wild thing about life is how it continues on. As we mourned the loss of MaMa and grieved in our own individual ways, last night at 8:23, a new life was born and their family was joyous. Although cliche, it was the circle of life. And what a hard time to be so incredibly sad and heartbroken over the sudden death, but so deeply happy for the birth of Miss Emma. I received pictures today. . .absolutely the picture of preciousness and innocence. A new life to be moulded and a new life of growth. Just like that song Two Teardrops (again I turn to music!)
Last night I sat in the waiting room
The nurse walked in and gave me the news
It's a baby girl and they're both fine
An old man sittin' not 10 feet away
Just lost his wife and he said to me
You've got a brand new angel and I've lost mine
I guess the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away
And we both wiped a teardrop from our face
Oh the ocean's a little bit bigger tonight
Two more teardrops somebody cried
One of them happy and one of them bluer than blue
The tide goes out and the tide comes in
A whole new circle of life begins
Where tears are a part of the pleasure and part of the pain
'Til they drift on down and ride to the sea again
Although tomorrow is another day, I know that it's tough to understand why the world continues while you're hurting so deeply. Why can't everyone else hurt with you?? I just never GOT it ya know?? But I am now old enough to understand that when I am having the best of days, someone somewhere is suffering. I just wish I could help them all. But my main focus right now is helping Bubba. The biggest and toughest man I know is hurting, he's hurting in a way that I so totally understand and I wish I could take that pain from him so he didn't have to know it. To know that deep ache in the depths of your stomach and that scream that is hiding inside. I always give off the persona that I'm so strong and at this very moment I feel so helpless and so weak. Maybe it's my time to grieve. . .for my loved ones that have gone on. . .for the loved ones that will go when God calls them.
I hate that it takes the loss of someone close to you to make you tell people what they mean to you, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, shoot, some people need to tell their children! But do it, and for those that know me, you know I don't get "preachy" but tell them. Don't let it go unsaid, no matter what kind of people you are. It took so long for Chris to understand that "I love you" isn't a scary saying, it's three words that have the power to heal, comfort and they are a necessity. I love the fact that he's not scared to tell Cale that he loves him. Anyway, just had to write this all out. I'm so tired. . .it's time to go to bed. Good night cyber buddies. . .I love ya!!!! And know that if you need me, I'm right here in the great plains, where no, we aren't surrounded by cattle and we don't ride horses to the store ;) I'm always with you in thoughts and prayers.