The day my tailbone met Tulsa
Topic: Me!
You know, I rarely screw up. You should all realize how incredibly close to perfection I am, but when I blunder, I love to share it with the world so that we can laugh together. I mean, how often does it happen?? ;)
On Tues 1.4.05, Chris left for work only to return moments later, strip down and crawl back in bed. I looked at him and said, "Dude. . .whaddya doin?" And he said, "Well, I took the day off. SOMEBODY had a baby!" By somebody he meant his bestfriend from high school's wife gave birth and we were going to drive like mad up to Tulsa. Cool.
Bad weather was expected that night and we agreed, or, at least I did, that it would be a shotgun trip to see the sweet baby girl, hang out with her rockin' parents and give my mom much needed Cale time without us running candy interference. BUT (didn't you know there was a but coming?) on the way there I had to get a handy-dandy wipe out of Cale's bag. There, I found evidence of STAYING in Tulsa. Multiple diapers, including an overnight diaper and jammies. I looked at him and said, "OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!! YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME COME HOME!!!" To which he replied, "Yep! I figure if I'm driving home in sleet and ice it would be safer to leave the two of you there." But remember how smart and perfect I am?? I knew what he meant. What he said was actually code for, "If I'm going to wreck your most prized vehicle, I better not do it with you in it or I might have my limbs cut from my body by fingernail clippers."
We get to Tulsa, see and hold and love and kiss that gorgeous child, get the new family in the car and head for mom and dad's. We hang out there for an hour or two and Chris decides it's time to jet. I looked at him and said, "I have nothing. Honestly. . .NOTHING. You can't leave me here." That's when my ever helpful mother chimed in about having a washing machine upstairs and we're better off there yadda yadda something about pills bladda. And off he went. Alone. In my car. Out into the elements.
Irony strikes - the bad weather didn't hit the city until WAY after Chris got home. Funny isn't it?? So we stay the night. It's now Wednesday and the city looks as if frosty has exploded all over. Not pretty. But amazingly, Tulsa was in perfecto shape. Chris calls. "Bad news babe, roads are horrible so it looks like it might be tomorrow." Lovely. My kind father picks up my sorry behind and drives me to the nearest place to buy clothing - K-Mart. Now, we don't have K-Marts in OKC. But hey, they have clean socks, underwear, clothes and, just for dad, 2-1 shampoo.
We sleep again and here's where the fun kicks in. Seriously, you needed all of the above to see how truly funny this story gets.
My normal routine is to stay in bed until Lover wakes up. Once Lover wakes up, I throw on more decent clothes, get him, dress him and we proceed down the stairs. For some REALLY odd reason, I failed to stick to my normal routine. I am a creature of habit and this, folks, lets you understand just why I don't change my routine.
I decided that I was WAY hot and that it would probably be cooler downstairs. Against my better judgment, I let my hot self talk my smart self into heading downstairs before taking the proper time to fully awake. I put my fluffy OU houseshoes on, shuffle around the bed, open the door, close the door, shuffle down what I refer to as the Walkway, make the two rounded steps and set my foot on the first step down. I made that step. Oh yes, and the second and the third. Even made the fourth. But somewhere between the fourth and fifth steps, my brain wasn't connecting with. . .well. . .the rest of my body. And in the most horrifying and loud sounds that you'll ever hear in 2005, this fat, 7w3d pregnant woman, half asleep, found a way to hurl herself down the stairs. I hit EVERYTHING. The houseshoes popped off like skis, apparently as good houseshoes should do, I managed to, what I can only refer to as "rug burn" my right elbow AND my big knuckle on my right thumb. I landed on all fours at the bottom of the stairs. I peeled myself off the tile, shuffled around the corner and held myself up with the couch. I was in hysterics. I hadn't felt that much pain since giving birth to Cale.
Mom didn't help the fact much. She actually asked me what had happened. What happened?? Oh not much really. I decided to relive my childhood and slid my fat butt down the stairs for mere entertainment. Did she really NOT know what had happened??? After 5 minutes of trying to catch my breath, I collapsed on the couch to calm down. After I finally calmed down, I looked at my mom, who, in the most loving manner possible, LAUGHED AT ME! She laughed. She's evil and sadistic and now written out of my will! ;) She made the remark that she thought the condo was coming down or that Oklahoma was being hit by a tsunami. She's really freaking funny.
So now I sit here, before the computer, as my tailbone still aches at the thought. I can't sit straight down, I must sit on my side. Chris told my mom when she lovingly drove me home on that fateful Thursday morning, "Ya know? I leave her up there so she's safe and won't get hurt and what did you do?? You send her home all broken and battered." I feel the love, don't you?
For all those truly concerned about my well being and the well being of Dot, Dot is fine, she enjoyed the ride down. I'm recovering nicely, despite the request to "Sit my a&& on a block of ice" made by none other than Chris, and also despite the numerous, ever helpful comments of, "You need to watch where you're going when you're going down ice covered steps." Yep, people, that ice got bad inside the condo let me tell ya, it's amazing we all didn't freeze in place.
Did you enjoy the story?? Was it all you thought it would be?? I'm so glad I could entertain you. One day I'll show you a pic of the staircase, a staircase that I don't mind not climbing for many weeks and days, the staircase that, no dad, isn't broken or beat up, and the staircase where my tailbone's life was changed forever.
Have I ever told you I don't much care for Tulsa?
Posted by piperdanaiok
at 11:12 PM CST