Want to annoy me??
Topic: Me!
As I was falling into bed last night, I got annoyed. Then it escalated and the list grew so I thought I'd blog it here so that you all can know what NOT to do when I'm in your presence! ;)

Things that annoy me:

Ask me how my butt is.

Ask for a bite of my sandwich then spit it right back out. On top of my sandwich.

Tell me, "Ya know, What's Her Name is 4 months pregnant and she's STILL wearing HER regular clothes."

Straighten the bed out on your side, just pushing all the toys and folded laundry to my side.

Start a sentence out with, "I don't want this to come across as mean, but. . ."

Tell me that my child isn't socialized enough even though you've only known him a whole 5 minutes.

Try to explain the benefits of all the bad crap I've been through in the past month - yeah, is it really a good thing that Grandpa died, Grandma has cancer, Grandma had surgery for cancer and now Grandma is undergoing chemo, all since Thanksgiving?? Don't quite see the benefits of THOSE things.

Keep cutting your hair shorter and shorter and still call me upset about 1. Why you look fatter and 2. Why your hair won't grow.

There, ya got all those?? ;) And yes, my butt still hurts!!

The day my tailbone met Tulsa
Topic: Me!
You know, I rarely screw up. You should all realize how incredibly close to perfection I am, but when I blunder, I love to share it with the world so that we can laugh together. I mean, how often does it happen?? ;)

On Tues 1.4.05, Chris left for work only to return moments later, strip down and crawl back in bed. I looked at him and said, "Dude. . .whaddya doin?" And he said, "Well, I took the day off. SOMEBODY had a baby!" By somebody he meant his bestfriend from high school's wife gave birth and we were going to drive like mad up to Tulsa. Cool.

Bad weather was expected that night and we agreed, or, at least I did, that it would be a shotgun trip to see the sweet baby girl, hang out with her rockin' parents and give my mom much needed Cale time without us running candy interference. BUT (didn't you know there was a but coming?) on the way there I had to get a handy-dandy wipe out of Cale's bag. There, I found evidence of STAYING in Tulsa. Multiple diapers, including an overnight diaper and jammies. I looked at him and said, "OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!! YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME COME HOME!!!" To which he replied, "Yep! I figure if I'm driving home in sleet and ice it would be safer to leave the two of you there." But remember how smart and perfect I am?? I knew what he meant. What he said was actually code for, "If I'm going to wreck your most prized vehicle, I better not do it with you in it or I might have my limbs cut from my body by fingernail clippers."

We get to Tulsa, see and hold and love and kiss that gorgeous child, get the new family in the car and head for mom and dad's. We hang out there for an hour or two and Chris decides it's time to jet. I looked at him and said, "I have nothing. Honestly. . .NOTHING. You can't leave me here." That's when my ever helpful mother chimed in about having a washing machine upstairs and we're better off there yadda yadda something about pills bladda. And off he went. Alone. In my car. Out into the elements.

Irony strikes - the bad weather didn't hit the city until WAY after Chris got home. Funny isn't it?? So we stay the night. It's now Wednesday and the city looks as if frosty has exploded all over. Not pretty. But amazingly, Tulsa was in perfecto shape. Chris calls. "Bad news babe, roads are horrible so it looks like it might be tomorrow." Lovely. My kind father picks up my sorry behind and drives me to the nearest place to buy clothing - K-Mart. Now, we don't have K-Marts in OKC. But hey, they have clean socks, underwear, clothes and, just for dad, 2-1 shampoo.

We sleep again and here's where the fun kicks in. Seriously, you needed all of the above to see how truly funny this story gets.

My normal routine is to stay in bed until Lover wakes up. Once Lover wakes up, I throw on more decent clothes, get him, dress him and we proceed down the stairs. For some REALLY odd reason, I failed to stick to my normal routine. I am a creature of habit and this, folks, lets you understand just why I don't change my routine.

I decided that I was WAY hot and that it would probably be cooler downstairs. Against my better judgment, I let my hot self talk my smart self into heading downstairs before taking the proper time to fully awake. I put my fluffy OU houseshoes on, shuffle around the bed, open the door, close the door, shuffle down what I refer to as the Walkway, make the two rounded steps and set my foot on the first step down. I made that step. Oh yes, and the second and the third. Even made the fourth. But somewhere between the fourth and fifth steps, my brain wasn't connecting with. . .well. . .the rest of my body. And in the most horrifying and loud sounds that you'll ever hear in 2005, this fat, 7w3d pregnant woman, half asleep, found a way to hurl herself down the stairs. I hit EVERYTHING. The houseshoes popped off like skis, apparently as good houseshoes should do, I managed to, what I can only refer to as "rug burn" my right elbow AND my big knuckle on my right thumb. I landed on all fours at the bottom of the stairs. I peeled myself off the tile, shuffled around the corner and held myself up with the couch. I was in hysterics. I hadn't felt that much pain since giving birth to Cale.

Mom didn't help the fact much. She actually asked me what had happened. What happened?? Oh not much really. I decided to relive my childhood and slid my fat butt down the stairs for mere entertainment. Did she really NOT know what had happened??? After 5 minutes of trying to catch my breath, I collapsed on the couch to calm down. After I finally calmed down, I looked at my mom, who, in the most loving manner possible, LAUGHED AT ME! She laughed. She's evil and sadistic and now written out of my will! ;) She made the remark that she thought the condo was coming down or that Oklahoma was being hit by a tsunami. She's really freaking funny.

So now I sit here, before the computer, as my tailbone still aches at the thought. I can't sit straight down, I must sit on my side. Chris told my mom when she lovingly drove me home on that fateful Thursday morning, "Ya know? I leave her up there so she's safe and won't get hurt and what did you do?? You send her home all broken and battered." I feel the love, don't you?

For all those truly concerned about my well being and the well being of Dot, Dot is fine, she enjoyed the ride down. I'm recovering nicely, despite the request to "Sit my a&& on a block of ice" made by none other than Chris, and also despite the numerous, ever helpful comments of, "You need to watch where you're going when you're going down ice covered steps." Yep, people, that ice got bad inside the condo let me tell ya, it's amazing we all didn't freeze in place.

Did you enjoy the story?? Was it all you thought it would be?? I'm so glad I could entertain you. One day I'll show you a pic of the staircase, a staircase that I don't mind not climbing for many weeks and days, the staircase that, no dad, isn't broken or beat up, and the staircase where my tailbone's life was changed forever.

Have I ever told you I don't much care for Tulsa?

Unbelievable!
Topic: Momma's Lover Dover
You'd think that since I, having conceived, birthed and raised Cale, that I'd not be surprised when he acted like me. YOU'D THINK. But each and every time he mocks me or makes me feel like I'm looking in the mirror, I'm surprised. I even get a tad ticked off when my parents say, "Huh. . .wonder who he gets THAT from!" Yep, I hate to hear that. I just want to shout back, "LISTEN HERE!!! YOU RAISED ME!!! I ACT JUST LIKE YOU THEREFORE HE ACTS LIKE YOU AND IT'S YOUR FAULT AND YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP FOR BEING SUCH A SMART BUTT!!!!" Yeah, but I don't.

Regardless, every day comes with at least one good, hearty, gut filled laugh from none other than myself. And today's is worth blogging about.

We were getting Cale dressed. . .we being myself and Cale. . .and he said he wanted to wear his big boy underwear. We recited the rules of big boy underwear as he pulled them up and patted his car covered pee-pee and smiled. Next in line. . .pants. I said, "Dude!! Cale!! Let's wear these new fleece pants. Aren't they cool?" To which he replied with BRIGHT eyes and a HUGE smile, "YEP!!" Rock on. . .the kid gets it. So we get them on his LOOOOOONG legs and I go to pull them up, while reciting the everyday lingo of pant-pulling-up. "Cale, Stand up for a sec so I can pull your pants up. Cale. . .Cale. . .LISTEN. Focus!!" I look down to see what has captured his attention so much so that he can't leave it alone. Once again, I shouldn't be surprised to a bit of LINT sticking out between two of his toes was what caused the overwhelming urge to disregard my now stern voice.

"Cale. . .stand up. CALE. STAND. UP." As his hiney finally hit the pad, and his long lean fingers reached down to grab that piece of lint with his name on it, he matter of factly said to me, "Hold on a minute Momma."

Uh. Excuse me?? So I said, "CALE! Did you just tell me to hold on a minute??!!??" And with lint in hand he said again so 16-year-old-like, "Yes. Hold on a minute." He finally stood up, tossed the piece of lint aside and pulled his own pants up then looked me in the face and said, "Hello Momma" as if rejoining the living world again. Once I figured out exactly what had just happened, it became rather funny and comical. Hold on a minute. . . .I can't believe he said that. I'm in shock at how much he IS like me!!

Lord. . .I pray that you make this next one calm, and lax and cut out some of the smart butt-ness. . .I beg of you!!

Ummm yes, is this the lost & found?
I know that I mentioned this a post or two ago, but my friends. . .all things are subject to change!

It seems I've lost. . .my appetite! *gasp*

Can you believe it?!? It's the most bizarre thing!! This NEVER happened with Cale. . .N.E.V.E.R. I don't want to eat, I sure don't want anything sweet and, I've also hit what I refer to as the BLAH WALL.

This lovely wall that is holding me back is quite strange also. I don't feel like doing one itty bitty thing. I just want to sit, in the quiet, all alone and do nothing. I'm just too tired!! This is another thing that is totally different with Dot. In mulling this over with Bubba, it came to my attention that he is amazingly good at sticking his foot in his mouth. After reading what he said, you will be so proud that I laughed it off (so would my shrink! LOL).

Chris ~ Hey. . .what's wrong?

Me ~ Nothing, just SO tired.

Chris ~ Again?

Me ~ No, STILL! I don't remember being this tired with Cale.

Chris ~ I don't remember it either. And you'd think that you would have been MORE tired working than being at home with him.

Me ~ *jaw dropped on the floor in pure shock that my husband could say THAT to me!*

Me ~ *after I've recovered* Ummmm. . .Christopher Dee, do you know how EASY it is to be pg, sit at a desk for 8 hours, make 5 trips to the bathroom and answer a handful of phone calls?? Pretty freaking easy compared to watching a 2 1/2 year old, trying to keep this place REMOTELY clean, making ONE trip to the bathroom with the 2 1/2 year old hanging onto your belt loop and dragging his bike, fielding your phone calls, doing the laundry and trying to keep a clean, tidy appearance.

Chris ~ *remote in hand and turning the tv up before his pg wife decides to cut his head off in a hormonal fit of rage*

Now, one of the reasons that I am shocked is because this man, the father of Cale & Dot, told me, after spending 3 days in a row, alone, with Cale and my other jobs, that he'd rather go to work with the flu than be a SAHD. Ya think he'd remember!!!!!!

Once you think you can't be amazed or surprised, men pull a stunt such as this. Oh well. . .I lived to blog the tale. And back to where I originally started. Has anyone seen my appetite?!?!?!?!?

Because we're cheap!
Topic: Weirdness
I was taking a shower yesterday and began thinking about the stuff in my shower. I wondered what other people had in their showers. Mine consisted of a big fat, barely pregnant lady, a shower curtain with two holes ripped b/c my husband has a shower curtain handicap, 3 bottles of shower gel, one handy dandy pump of Neutrogena face wash, a lovely turqoise colored fish of the radio persuasion, one bottle of conditioner, and one bottle of shampoo that has occupied the same space for. . . .months now.

I left the shampoo bottle for last b/c that is what my attention became focused on. It has literally been there FOREVER and I, in my frugal manner, keep refilling it. With what you ask??? Well, my mother travels an awful lot. No. Seriously. A. LOT. When she travels she stays in the SAME hotels. She's a creature of habit, what can I say? And my mother is also very notorious for her Ross-like urge to take anything and everything not nailed down in the hotel room. She even taught my sister to raid the maid's cart in one very memorable Dallas trip. I'm actually thinking that the Hyatt was very testy in regards to two teenage girls running down the hall dropping shower caps and pens as we fled the scene. But I digress.

Since my mom cannot resist the impulse to NOT take things, she has boxes upon boxes of lotion, cleaner, mouth wash, conditioner, bars of soap and yes, my friends, shampoo. My husband fully supports her kiping abilities as he too is awful handsy in hotel rooms. He also thinks it's really RAD to not have to buy shampoo anymore. I can literally take two pocketfuls of the lovely miniature Neutrogena shampoo bottles and refill our shampoo bottle at home, leaving us with tantalizingly beautiful, soft, clean hair and with an extra $2 in our pocket.

Don't you envy us now???

Reminder
Did I mention that I was HUNGRY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

FEED ME!!!!!!!!!!
Topic: Weirdness
For those that have seen me up close and personal, you know that I am not about to wither away and die. But people!! I'M FREAKING STARVING!!!!!! Every single person that asks me how I am doing gets the same answer - I'm hungry!! Not I'm fine, or OK, or eh. . .just a flat out matter of fact I'm hungry!!

Now my family doesn't make this much easier. I've spent a lot of time with my parents and sister in the last few weeks (so much actually that we couldn't remember the last time we had been this close. . .and all still standing basically unscathed!). My family LOVES food. Seriously, it's freakishly strange how much we love food. We don't believe in rationing. Oh no!! We eat with GUSTO!!! ;) I went home from the hospital Wednesday, had three spoonfuls of goolosh (how do you spell that anyway??) and a cup of green olives (not a pregnancy enduced cup, this is my normal behavior!). Mom. . apparently she's feeling my pain b/c she too had goolosh, but not a few spoonfuls. . .let's just say a bit more, some olives, a pickle, cheddar, mayo and tomato sandwich (which I insisted made me want to vomit all over her hip black shag rug) and a handful of those delicious white chocolate mint thingies. We know how to eat folks.

When I was pregnant with Cale, my first symptom of pregnancy was the fact that I devoured a large pizza from Little Casears and left one small, pathetic square for Chris. I have yet to inhale an entire pizza, but I will eat at 6pm and be miserably empty by 9, at which time I look at Bubba and say, DUDE!!! I'M HUNGRY!! FEED ME NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! :) But the man hasn't smartened up, the mean thing he does is look at me and shake his head as if I lack the necessary willpower to deal with it. Ummm. . .were you just born lunatic?? You don't say no to a pregnant woman that may gnaw your big 'ole arm off in a matter of nanoseconds.

And lucky for everyone, I'm not craving strange foods like someone else I know. Nah, here in the great state of Oklahoma, we crave pizza (with SAUCE AND MEAT GRETCHEN. NOT SEEDS!!!!!) or green olives!! Or marshmellows!! Not something that I can't pronounce with my supposed Okie accent that I DO NOT HAVE!

Oh well, what am I going to do?? It's one of the beauties of pregnancy. Now should I go and wake Cale up before I pass out from having had nothing to eat in like 4 hours?? ;)

The Circle of Life
We made it through. We did what had to be done and lived to tell about it. What a GORGEOUS service it was for Grandpa. So many songs, so much love, it's the way he would have liked it. I made peace at the church as they closed the casket. I hadn't cried again until this weekend.

My dad threw his back out up in Tulsa and I received a call at 7 on Sunday morning. Dad had passed out in the bathroom from the pain and he needed drugs. Who do you call when you need drugs?!?!? ME!! LOL We slowly got up and got dressed and headed that way. By noon, dad was smiling goofily and slurring his words. He was a happy man ;)

But the part that made me cry was when I shared with him a poem that I had written the night before.

I've lived my life with the understanding that everything is in God's plan.

But some things I question and some I ignore and I just do the best that I can.

Then on Thanksgiving life turned upside down and a strong healthy man fell ill.

Grandpa fought with all his might and never lost his will.

A week later, to the day I sat by his bed as he slept.

I thought about how much I loved that man and held his hand as I wept.

On Saturday morning, December the fourth, God took his hand and showed him the way,

To a place that we can only dream about, no pain, no tears, just day.

The pain of our loss is incredible, I can't believe that he's gone

But in a surprising turn of events, we found out his spirit lives on.

I call this the circle of life, the Lord giveth and taketh away.

And as fresh as the hurt is, this child inside, is the dawning of a brand new day.

In August we'll receive the bittersweet gift of a baby, innocent and new,

And Grandpa's love will be in its eyes and his spirit will be shining through.

I'll pass on the memories that we made while we were blessed to have him here,

And Grandpa will be smiling down, our dear angel, ever so near.

My dad and I cried together and he hugged me in his drug induced state and said, "Pipey!! How incredibly awesome! This is so wonderful!! I was thinking how the circle of life works, Dad was the old, and he had to go and I thought about how Cale was the newest, but little did I know that there was a new life right there, right there with Dad as the old life left. Absolutely amazing." It was a far cry from when we told him I was pregnant with Cale and he didn't speak to us! ;)

There are many amazing points to this:
1. I remember standing by Grandpa and thinking. . .I could be pregnant, it's too early to know, but he'll know before I will.
2. This was my third month off of birth control pills. We were letting my body "regulate" on the metformin before officially trying at the beginning of the year.
3. It took us 13 months to conceive Cale, numerous appointments and tests and poking and prodding and I had gotten myself mentally prepared for another long journey.
4. This child will always share a special bond with my grandpa, it's truly the circle of life.

Tonight we are going to tell Chris' side of the family. I'm still in shock and it feels odd telling people that I am indeed pregnant, but folks, Chris made me test 3 times and ONLY after the third test did he truly believe. He did this with Cale and I finally laughed yesterday morning and said, "Ya know dude, you can't take it back now!!!!! HA!!!" ;) He rolled his eyes and said, "Man. . .who would have thought. This one's meant to be."

And Bubba, I couldn't agree more, God knows what he's doing and he knew how to help us. Cale was so loved when we found out about him b/c of all we'd been through to get him and this new one is so loved b/c of the amazing bond that exists between it and my Grandpa. As my friend El said, Grandpa is smiling down on us.

Thank you God and thank you Grandpa. . .you knew. . .you knew!

I'm hurting so incredibly bad
Topic: Me!
I keep praying that this will get better, but I know it will only get worse before it gets better.

My sweet, kind and loving grandpa left this world for a better place early this morning. We were lucky enough to get to talk with him on Thursday and he seemed fine, but took a turn. We were all by his side as he left and I never imagined the contrast of emotions I felt. It was one of the hardest but one of the best things I've done.

We never knew it would end like this. . .the doctors said he'd be fine. But sometimes God has another plan and we are currently trying to accept this.

I am now grandpa-less, I lost my maternal grandpa in Feb 1995. Pa left suddenly with no warning, so Grandpa's passing has given me more comfort since I got to tell him all the things I wanted to and to say goodbye.

He only raised his voice to me one time. . .I was about 7. He never complained, even this week when he was in extreme pain. He always had a smile, a hug and a "scratchy" kiss for everyone. We had many great family trips, my favorite was riding Space Moutain with him at Disneyland and hearing him scream! :) He titled me "Official Turkey Tester" and my heart breaks at the thought of him not cutting the turkey on Christmas day. He was a dear precious man that raised a truly wonderful son, my dad. My sweet Lover Boy carries on his name and Grandpa loved him and called him SWELL. . .his only GREAT-grandchild. Cale loved his UMP-PA too and I have great memories of the two of them together, just a week before he entered the hospital.

I love you Grandpa. I know you're so happy in heaven and there's plenty of coffee and crossword puzzles to keep you busy. We will miss you so much, but know we'll see you again.

Russell I. Park
January 17, 1923 - December 4, 2004

Ole!!
Topic: Momma's Lover Dover
I'm sitting here TRYING not to break into laughter. My Lover just awoke and the first words out of his mouth??? **singing as only he can do** Ole Ole. . .Ole Ole. . .Ole Ole. . .Ole Ole!! ROTFLOL Cale loves his music, all kinds of music, from rap to techno to country to The Wiggles (gagging). And he'll want to listen to it on HIS time.

We'll be riding in the car and he'll take his headphones off and say, "Daddy!!! Bomp bomp bom!!!!" over and over as he bobs his precious head. As his official translator, Bomp bomp bom means, "Daddy!!!! Either play the ringtone on your phone or the Lynyrd Skynyrd version of Sweet Home Alabama!!!!!" We have this song burned onto a cd with my other favs, including Buster Poindexter's HOT HOT HOT (hence the ole ole).

One of the cutest things on earth. . .Ole Ole. . .Ole Ole. . .followed by YEAH TOE!!! (yes, he calls himself Toe instead of Cale!) **ahhhhh, my heart is melting**