What I want for Christmas

I'm sure you're thinking it's kind of early to be thinking Christmas, but considering we're over halfway done Christmas shopping, it's not too early! 

As I type right now, I'm listening to Charlie Daniels and Dueling Banjos.  I was raised with all types of music and have a special place in my heart for bluegrass.  I adore Alison Krauss & Union Station, Ricky Skaggs and even enjoy music by the Dixie Chicks.

My soft spot is for the banjo.  My Pa played the banjo every night and when we would spend the night at their house in Tulsa, we would fall asleep with him playing the banjo in the floor of the den, in front of the tv.  Since his death in 1995, his banjo has done nothing but collect dust.  When I told my Gram that I wished I could play the banjo, she told me I could have his banjo.  So I decided this week that I want banjo lessons for Christmas!  One day, I will play Dueling Banjos.

As I typed this AND listened to Charlie Daniels, I told my sister what I was doing.  Amazingly enough she said, "That's the best thing I've heard in a long time!  He would be so proud of you."  Now I can hardly wait for Christmas!! 

Things related to c-sections
Topic: Me!

There are three things that I wish to touch on right now.  These were to be sent to another person, but I feel. . .not right. . .about talking to her at this point.  So YOU get to read this :)

Firstly, I had a follow-up appointment for my lovely bleeding cysts.  The ultra-sound showed that THEY ARE GONE.  Gone.  No longer residing on my left ovary.  Lucky for me, my doctor wasn't surgery happy and I escaped being cut unnecessarily.  While I was there, I gathered up the courage to ask about my c-section.  I only asked one question.  And that one question was one of the hardest to get out of my mouth:  "When you sewed me up, did I have a single layer closure or double?"   After that, I struggled to listen to what he had to say.  My arms and face started to go numb, my heart started to pound and it became increasingly harder to take a breath.  He explained why "others" feel it's important for a double layer closure and that he routinely does single layer closures unless there's a bleeding issue.  Lucky for me I had a bleeding issue so he gave me "the equivalent of a double closure."  This is good news should I decide to conceive a third child.

My second c-section related writing for the day is this: I've met my hero.  She was at my house back in August but as each day passes I realize how much I think of her.  She has eight children, ages 11 - 10months.  Her eleven year old boy was a c-section.  The rest of her children??  VBACs.  Did you read that?? ALL SEVEN WERE BORN VAGINALLY AFTER HER FIRST CESAREAN!  Pretty impressive if you ask me.

And thirdly. . .hopefully you'll see an improvement in my attitude (yes, I've had an attitude problem for awhile).  I'm switching doctors.  My current doctor I have been seeing since Cale was one month old.  She diagnosed me with Primary Maternal Preoccupation (a form of PPD), anxiety and panic disorder and a slight obsessive compulsive disorder.  She doesn't know she's being left high and dry.  She'll find out shortly.  I just find it hard to move out of any unhappy places when she says, "You are very hard to get through to.  You don't want anyone telling you that you're wrong.  Like with Cale, you couldn't see that you were wrong."  That's when I flat out said, "YES!  I did know that the way I was feeling was wrong.  That's why I came to see you.  It wasn't right and I wanted to change that."  Wanna know what she said?!? "SEE!! You're doing it right now.  You're not listening."   Ummm. . . .I just admitted that I was wrong but I'm not listening??  I've been admitting this for 4 years now and I AM NOT LISTENING?  I'll show you not listening when I don't answer my phone calls from you! (Sorry. . .rather elementary-schoolish of me but seriously!)  How does this relate to the c-section theme of the night?  I'll tell you.

Since Pruitt's birth, I have delt physically and emotionally with the c-section.  I often have problems calling it a birth because for me it wasn't.  When I'd have attacks over the c-section and share them with her, she would tell me that it was no big deal, that I was over reacting and that I needed to move on.  She never asked WHY it was a big deal to me, she never helped me sort through my feelings.  I've been allowed to do that on my own.  Sorry. . .I can only do that so long so I need to find someone to help me.  Yes, most people don't "get" it, but a lot of people don't "get" depression or anorexia, and one of my issues is my c-section.  It's me. . .it's what makes me me.

So there you have it.  Hope you have a great night.  I'm off to bed!

OKC Beautiful
Topic: Bubba

Bubba's place of employment was chosen as September's winner for OKCBeautiful.  This morning on the news, they were going to highlight it and show the pictures taken.  Well. . .the pic that appeared literally sucked.  It showed NOTHING.  SO, I got on the web to see their site.  Ironically, the OKCBeautiful site didn't even cover it. You had to be smart enough to find the link to the OKC Horticulture site and scroll down.  It's on the right hand side and you can click somewhere around it to see it a bit closer.  BUT, that picture is of Bubba and his empoyee Jon!  Bubba is now on the web. . . besides our sites LOL  And for good measure, I'm adding the picture here too!!  Enjoy!!

"Yolanda"
Topic: Bubba

Bubba is a piece of work.  I often wonder what he's thinking, and sometimes I feel blessed that I do NOT know what is going on inside his head.  He's often quiet, but does have moments of pure entertainment.  Wednesday night was one of those moments that I have been unable to shake.

For Christmas, he "wrangled" me up an iPod shuffle.  I like how small it is and I have no need for a screen so I am very content.  Lately, my iPod has been acting up.  Bubba decided that it was time to figure out what was causing it.  He then called up Apple.  They explained to him that they would promptly send out a replacement and we, in turn, were to send our malfunctioned iPod back to them.  THE NEXT DAY. . .my iPod was at the door.  Pretty freaking quick if you ask me.  

The iPod came DHL.  I'm not real sure how their packaging works, but Apple put the return sticker on the outside so when I pulled off the flap, it ripped the return label to shreds.  Not just in half. . .in LAYERS people.  So, Wednesday evening Bubba called up the people at the super-speedy-delivery-of-iPods-Apple and explained the situation.  The man on the other end of the phone asked for the serial number (they always do!) and I read it off to Bubba:

Me ~ 6. . .A

Bubba ~ 6. . .Apple

Me ~ R. . .T. . .2

Bubba ~ Ralph. . .Tom. . .2

Me ~ 4. . .Y

Bubba ~ 4. . .*pause*. . . Yolanda

At which point I stopped dead in my tracks and laughed with some major oomph.  YOLANDA?!?!?  WHO SAYS YOLANDA FOR THE LETTER 'Y'?!?!?  I'm thinking yellow or yo-yo.  But YOLANDA?!?!  The man on the other end of the phone said (according to Bubba), "Ummm. . .okay."  This is something that I've laughed about ever since. 

Ha. . .Yolanda. 

School and
Topic: Momma's Lover Dover
My sweet lover dover Cale started pre-k this year. I'm amazed at how fast time has gone. I'm also amazed at his willingness to go to school. The first day, he refused to eat breakfast or lunch. He kept insisting that it was time to go and that we'd be late. We live 2 minutes away, in heavy traffic, but try explaining that to him!!

The first day was more like a parent/child school day. Chris and I attended with him to learn the ins and outs of how things work. Did I mention that this school was the elementary school that I attended 2-6 grade? Yep!! Talk about weird being back. And everything is questionably smaller. . . .hmmmmmm. . . .Anyway, Chris snuck out the back with Pruitt towards the end and he missed the cutest thing of all: Cale made his first friend. This little boy also has a father a bit larger than most. . .his father is also a graduate of OU (BOOMER SOONER!) and they live on the street next to my mom and dad's street. Cale and "D" were talking so much that they didn't hear us tell them we were leaving. They were comparing shoes, backpacks, who was stronger (at which point I had to stop Cale from heaving classroom tables above his head), and they even shared stories. D's mom was happy that he'd found a friend and Cale's mom. . .well. . .she stood back and fought tears. I have to now let go of my control on my child. I've guarded him carefully since the moment he left my body and now, I'm letting out the strings a bit. Bitter sweet really. So here's a pic (or two) of Cale on his first day. You can see the true Cale in these pictures.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Secondly, it's also time to get ready for Halloween. I do this every year around this time. The costume search begins. Pruitt is smaller than Cale was on his second Halloween so I lack a costume for kisser, but I will share with you my conversation with Cale in regards to his costume choices:

Me ~ Well, Lover, what do you want to be for Halloween?

Cale ~ A switch.

Me ~ A "switch????"

Cale ~ Yep, you know, a switch that rides a broom?

I had nothing to say after that. I don't remember ever seeing a male witch. . .especially one that rides a broom and honestly. . .how hysterical is it to be called a "switch" instead?? Gotta love the kid.

Beauty

I'd often heard that a mother nursing her baby is a beautiful thing.  I never thought so.  I'm one of those more conservative types that doesn't enjoy looking at the human body.  I never found it. . .beautiful.

On the flipside, I also didn't understand what all the hoopla was on women breastfeeding in public.  Feed your babies!!  You don't have to leave it all hanging out, but feed your hungry baby!!

Tonight. . .I saw it.  I have never seen a picture capture the true beauty in a woman nursing her baby than I saw here. I would put it in my blog, but it is not mine to use so please click on the link.  I seriously stopped dead in my tracks with a resounding gasp from deep inside.  It is beautiful.  

Pru's Day
Topic: Pruitt
Today is Pruitt's day. We've celebrated, eaten cake and opened presents. We even went and had pictures taken. . .TWICE. Today is Pru Pru's birthday. I cannot even wrap my mind around the fact that it was one year ago today that he was brought into this world. He's been with us a lot longer than that though. His entrance into this world was a wicked ride. I never understood when people would say, "It was the worst and best day of my life." Pruitt's entrance was just that. It's a day I will never forget = for good and bad. It's a day that will haunt me from now on, but I still love him. It was in no way his fault, but it is hard to go through today loving a being so deeply, but wishing his entrance had been a bit calmer and a bit more natural.

Regardless, we made today about him. I love my kisser baby. He's such a happy baby and he loves his momma deeply. Makes me smile when I think of it. His big blue eyes, wide smile and gorgeous brown hair with blonde and red highlights, he woos the girls whenever we're out.

Pru Pru. . . .you are a blessing, a gift from God, my circle of life baby. I love you so deeply and my scar is a constant reminder of that. I pray that you'll have a wonderful and long life and that you'll always remember I love you.  Thank you for being you and for enriching my life.

 

Interesting to say the least
Topic: Weirdness

I'm going to start by saying that Tripod's new format sucks donkey butts.  Seriously.  I hate it.  It keeps eating my posts and the HTML won't work.  Ticks me off royally.

Anyway, I was on the phone with Bubba and clicked over to one of my "daily sites" and saw and advertisement for Bag Borrow or Steal. The idea behind this is genius, but somewhat odd at the same time.  You join for a monthly fee, then "check out" purses/bags like library books.  However, you have to pay a weekly or monthly fee for the purse of your choosing, plus round trip shipping and insurance if you'd like.  There's also waiting lists for purses.  Chris got a kick out of the Fendi bag that cost $235 per month.  He was baffled.  Unsurprisingly, I get why this site is in existance.  

I won't be renting a bag from them any time soon.  I'm pretty content with my two good standbys.  Besides, I'm a mother to a baby right now so that means no purse carrying for me.  My trust billfold is kept in the diaperbag.  I wouldn't even know what to put in a purse right now!  And seriously. . .I've got better things to spend my money on.  I LIKE FOOD!! :)

I put the topic as weirdness because this just seems odd to me. I was pointed in the direction of an article that says people are outraged at BabyTalk's latest cover.

I understand that most of our mothers were not encouraged to breastfeed. My mom wasn't and she gave birth to a preemie. Now studies show that breastfed preemies gain weight faster and get released faster. I also understand that many think breasts are only to be seen in a sexual way. My issue with that statement is that they are there to make milk to feed children. There was no formula back with Adam and Eve. I'm pretty sure her children were breastfed. And just because we have the technology to make up a breastmilk imitator doesn't mean it's best.

People also make comments like, "It's just so convenient." Really?? To measure out water, measure out powder, make sure you have a clean bottle and nipple, shake it up and then serve it to a baby that is screaming bloody murder? I personally find it more convenient to unclasp the nursing bra when my baby is hungry and BAM, instant gratification.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that there are people that just do not want to breastfeed. I also understand that there are people out there that couldn't get breastfeeding to work for them. My point is this: if you chose to bottle feed, that's your decision. If you choose to breastfeed, that's your decision. But please, don't bash breastfeeders for feeding their babies on the spot. I'm a very modest breastfeeder. I cover up and keep covered. There's nothing wrong with what I do so leave me alone and I'll leave you alone. If I decide to whip it out in the mall and walk around in a full Janet Jackson moment, yes, that's inappropriate. Just remember how much more we tolerate from commercials, advertisements, even the 21 year old girl down the street who wears crop tops all summer long. What's the difference?

Also note that I am not debating the nutritional differences between formula and breastmilk.  If you want information on the health benefits of breastmilk, please let me know.  I'll gladly give that information to you.  So feel free to call me crazy, call me crunchy, call me smart.  It's your opinion, and you're welcomed to it.  This is my blog and I'm going to publish my opinion:  Breastmilk is best.  I wouldn't have hooked myself to a pump for 11 months if I didn't believe that.  I'm a breastfeeder and proud of it.  So is my family.  Ask 'em.  They'll tell you. :)

Ode to my birthday
Topic: Me!

TRIPOD ATE MY ORIGINAL POST!

My birthday was June 28.  Yes, this is late, but better late than never right??  Please read the following as you would read JOYFUL JOYFUL WE ADORE THEE.

June the twenty-eighth was my day, but oh dear birthday, you did suck.

Nothing seemed to go the right way.  Guess I've just run out of luck.Early wakings, cranky babies, pain from teeth that were no more.

With it starting oh so badly, it seemed like it was just a chore.

Pitifully I cried myself back into a much needed nap.

Woke to find my hair appointment was in 10. OH NO! OH CRAP!

Rushing, running, driving wildly.  But I made it, all was well.

Hundred dollars later I was done and I was looking swell.

For my lunch, again I had soup.  Found out mom'd been robbed that day.

Oddly dad's identity'd been used in Florida far away.

Grandmas didn't call me and then Bubba jabbed me in my jaw.

Couldn't eat my birthday dinner 'cause my gums were swollen and raw.

Highlight was to be my favorite pie that mom had brought to me.

Opened it to find that it was messed up, unsurprisingly.

Choked it down then kicked them out, I just wanted to go to bed.

This year's birthday wasn't lovely, I've worked on pushing it from my head!